Moved! Again...

http://www.livejournal.com/users/reign_ramirez

I slept.

Why the hell not? I'm tired.

You all know that I hate Christmas - okay not really but I still don't understand what the fuss is all about. Don't get me wrong, I tried to like Christmas, I did. Much energy exerted to understand and appreciate Christmas and stll I am underwhelmed.

Even when I was still a small girly boy, never pa ako na-excite sa Pasko. Maybe because of the fact that I was able to see trough the fakeness of it all at such a young age. Happiness on the holidays is not nakakahawa or in the air or something - it feels mandatory (parang overtime). I can feels the benefits pero sobrang fleeting.

So 12/24/05 I slept at around 3PM and nagising ako mga 3AM 12/25/05. The lola, the brother, the sister-in-law and the baby clebrated the eve at my father's house in Pasig. Did they bother to wake me up and ask if I wanna come? No. IS it because they don't want to spend the night with me? No. They no I'll be the biggest bitch at the dinner table so why bother 'di ba? I'll ruin their Chrsitmas dinner lang.

At 4AM I had my own dinner - leftover grilled spare ribs, a pice of yummy cohocolate cake, potato salad, 3 glasses of Coke, carbonara, bacon, ham, bread and siomai. I was happy.

While I was pigging out I thought about a few things and decided on some things:

* Jerome is so 3 years ago. He will always be a good friend and I will always be a mother to him. But let's face it, he is dragging me down. So enough for him, enough from him.

* I love my job. Will continue to love my job. And will probably never quit. Ever.

* Even though I don't say it much, I LOVE MY FAMILY. I love my brother, my baby, my sister-in-law, my father, my stepmother and her kids, all of 'em. But the I love my Ashley most of all.

* I miss my mother. So much.

* I love food. I am addicted to food. Diet will never ever be an option. I am fat, I made myself fat so I should love me.

* I don't love Eric as much as I thought I do (or did.)

* People disappoint.

* I am starting to love being alone. It's getting comfortable,

So anyway, Merry Christmas. I am not making any sense.

Nobody is perfect. We all have flaws. Then I met Eric.


I’m not saying that he is the perfect man. He has his blemishes – lots of ‘em. Do I care? Yes. Does it matter? Yes. But what sets him apart from the others is that I understood his mistakes. I tried. I, the uber-judgmental bitch, understood him. He seems apologetic of the things he has done in his life – but deep down I know he isn’t. I know deep deep down in his psyche he is screaming “Fuck it! No regrets, no apologies.” And I admired that.


I met him a few months ago but I am not exactly sure how we met or if we were introduced. I knew that he is Molitz’ friend that’s all. I even thought he was straight so I didn’t bother. He didn’t look cute to me. He was just some guy at the office.


“Reign, si Alvin?” was his first words to me. It still is very clear to me because I was surprised that he knew my name because I didn’t know his. I didn’t even bother to ask Molitz. It wasn’t important to have his name because I wasn’t banking on having any kind of relationship with him. He was just some guy.


But I know his kind. He is a player of sorts. He is the kind who sleeps around have casual sex with a guy he likes, goes into a relationship in a week then move on to another guy then repeat the entire process. His romantic undertakings sounds like what you may read at the back of shampoo bottles – Lather, Rinse, Repeat.


I was wrong.


He is beyond that. He is more than that.


Even when he was transferred to my team I knew I will not have any kind of relationship with him. A teammate is all he will ever be. Teams get shuffled all the time so it was risky to create alliances you know you could never sustain. 4 months in STC and I have experienced losing people and friendships (some of them just in the process of) so why bother make new ones?


What can I say? I was charmed.


The more time we spent with each other, the more he becomes close to me. He is not just Eric anymore.


He is my friend, my love, my masseur, my Survivor buddy, my sporadic textmate, my singing partner, my videoke machine, my student, my teacher in disciplines I am not good at, my ka-yosi break, my motivator, my lunch buddy, my competitor, my right hand, my laugh trip buddy, my Randy Jackson to my Simon Cowell, my confidante, my pet, my rock, my kindred spirit, my addiction, my vice, my cousin, my little brother, my very own lyrics.com, my inspiration, my bitch, my best friend, my shrink, the person who falls in line in fastfood counters for me, the one person who I felt was truly concern, the one who is willing to listen and understand or at least pretend to, the one who will finish my coffee because I can’t have too much, my one wish come true, my half.


He is all I ever wanted and the funny thing is that when I realized it I didn’t ask for anything from him. Did I ask to be the boyfriend? No. Because I know I don’t have a chance and let’s face it I have too many shit and issues to deal with (Jerome being the biggest of them). Did I ask him to love me back? No. Because even though he doesn’t say it I know he does (although he does not love me the same way I love him). Did I feel rejected? No. Because he embraced my entirety without judgment or disgust. He touched me in places I have never been touched before (not there, ulol!)


Now that he is no longer sitting beside me (literally) I feel like I lost an arm or a leg. I know we will see each other three times a week but come on it is never enough. We used to spend about 45-50 hours a week (more kung may OT, haha!) now we will spend only about 4.5 hours a week max.


PUTASHET!


PS. I just read^^, and leche and corny ko na wala pa akong sense. Okay lang at least I told the truth.

Grabe I am so ningas kugon talaga. I promise myself to post like two entries a week pero wala pa rin. I have a valid excuse naman eh. I had acute gastroenteritis and I have a medical certificate to prove it 'no! The bitchy gay doctor told me that I ate something that I shouldn't be eating. He's the one to talk 'no? Not only that, I have these things on my body that I really don't want to discuss so 'yun. Work's ok. I just heard from Ria (supervisor) that I am nominated for some kind of an award which is kinda cool - although I know na ang prize eh GC from either Starbucks or McDo which kinda suck. Basta I want that glass trophy. Ang cute kasi tingnan. I've told some of you about this guy Eric who I have been crushing on. Not anymore. La naman TO moment it's just nakapag-isip-isip lang. What's the point ba? It's not like he'll fall for me or anything. So basically that's it. Corny 'no? Oi if you have time visit http://www.postsecrets.com

Girl officemate asks "do you wear make-up?", I reply "sometimes kung lumalabas." 'Di pa nakutento she asks "what do you wear?"

Ito...

• L'Oreal Highlights Soft Sheen Highlighting Powder
• Elizabeth Arden Luxury Cheek Color in Pink 2
• Maybelline Dream Matte Mouse Foundation in Honey Beige Medium 4
• Wet 'n' Wild MegaGlo Face Illuminator
• Clinique Dual Lipstick in Shy and Mauve
• Colorstay Lipcolor in Raisin 22
• Jordana Lipliner in Cocoa
• And of course Ever Bilena Eyeliner in Dark Brown, Make-Up Stick Concealer No. 50, Lipstick in some sort of a Nude Cocoa, Eye Shadow in three tints of Brown and that set of Eye Shadow and Blush given by a Japayuki friend in numerous colors.

                  

Basics lang.... :-)

I think I like you so please stay away from me.

Ikaw rin.

Guguluhin ko buhay natin.

I have the tendency to obsess and stalk.

Share ko lang ang top searches sa Friendster network ko...

Siyempre nag-respond naman ako sa clamor (as if meron) kaya eto nagbabalik ang blog ko.

Anyway, Molitz (my work bestfriend, pero ako hindi niya bestfriend) is leaving na so super separation anxiety ako with matching crying. Hoy ha! Even though you might think super toughie ako I still cry. Pero share ko lang nag-evolve ang crying ko. Dati kasi "dry crying" ako as in wailing without tears. Ngayon may lumalabas na liquid pero uhog lang kaya medyo wa poise.

At ito! I'm crushing on this guy and we were like talking and all that, tapos you know getting to know chuva and guess what we could be third degree cousins.  Don't sumpa me or anything or sumbong me to your respective gods or judge me pero grabe the thought of doing it with a distant relative sounds kinda you know... hot. I said don't judge eh.

Anyway, 'yan na muna for now and I swear 1 entry every 2 days. Not just for the fans (naks) pero I kinda need it na rin eh.

Uy share ko lang picture ng youngest kapatid ko, Jake.

• It’s official Glenn T. is the new hottie of STC. I admit I was crushing on him for a while but after taking a closer look I really don’t know what the fuss was about. As of latest count, I know of 6 people crushing on him – 3 of them male, myself no longer included. Sure maganda ngipin niya and features ng face niya but still natatabangan ako eh. Add salt and pepper to taste.

• Medyo naapektuhan ako sa first QA scores ko as in dinamdam ko talaga, ‘di ko rin kinaya ang second QA score ko. So pauwi na ako ng lumapit si Charry – QA Analyst person something – and she was looking for Reign daw. Kaya ayun super raise ako ng hand sabay sigaw ng “Here!” na parang nagtse-tsek ng attendance ang isang pre-school teacher. ‘Di ko know kung sino siya kaya ‘nung sinabi niyang your QA scores are available slight nalowka ako. Imagine a QA Analyst chuva puntahan ka sa station? Isa lang pumasok sa coffee-filled brain ko: INSTANT TERMINATION DUE TO FDCPA VIOLATION. So super check ako ng QA scores and guess what? 100 ang score ko. Naman. Sabay hirit si Charry ng “I’ll coach you tomorrow.” In my mind gusto ko siyang sagutin ng “What for?” pero na-appreciate ko ang effort. Pramis, wa ek.

• Len is asking for a change of sched so meaning malilipat siya sa ibang team. Sayang. I mean I’m not crushing on him or anything kaya lang nice siya eh. And despite the fact na many people don’t like him and kung anik-anik ang sinabi nila about him, he’s still the first person from Team Ria who made me feel welcome. Sayang.

• Either pumapalya ang gaydar ko or malakas lang sila mag-deny. Or maybe tanga lang talaga ang iba sa amin? Or bulag?

• My name is Alex Greene. Pinsan ni Rachel. Bwahahahaha.


• Videoke with Shawie, Nikki and Monette. Bonding level with people from work kaya nga lang ‘di ko ka-team. Ano naman ‘di ba?

• Si Noel pala eh Anthonian din. ‘Yun nga lang ayaw niya aminin kung anong batch niya. I suspect batch ’86 siya.

• ‘La na.

Phone rings…

Reign: “Hello?”
Dude: “Hi!”
R: “Sino ka?”
D: “Si Dude.”
R: “Ay.”

10 mins….

D: “So musta naman work? Enjoy ba?”
R: “Uneventful.”
D: “Tipid mo ata sa kwento ngayon?”
R: “All talked out lang.”
D: “So bye na?”
R: “Uhm, I guess pwede pa tayo mag-talk”
D: “Mag-talk?”
R: “Sorry meron kasing Atenista sa batch naming. Nakakahawa.”

5 mins…

D: “Magkano basic pay niyo?”
R: “Guess.”
D: [Guesses the exact amount]
R: “Uhm, no.”

5 mins…

D: “Uy nakita ko si Guy sa UST.”
R: “So?”
D: “Hinanap ka.”
R: “Ano sabi mo?”
D: “Wala. I think alam na rin niya.”
R: “Yeah. I told him”
D: “You talked?”
R: “I sent him an e-mail.”
D: “Bakit ang daldal mo?!
R: “Hindi ako madaldal nagpapansin lang”

5 mins…
D: “@#$%^”
R: “$%^&*(!!!!!!!”

1 hour…
D: “I-kape na lang natin ‘to.”
R: “Sige andyan na ko in 15 minutes.”

Boba = me.